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Topic: Finals
Chutes and Ladders, Streams and Rocks
“In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins - not through strength but by perseverance.” -H. Brown
Sometimes life can feel like a game of Chutes and Ladders, and often the game seems laden with more chutes than ladders. Two years ago, I was sitting in Russell Street BBQ when my doctor called to tell me my CT scan was indicating some type of lymphoma. The tears came automatically, especially since my cousin, (a recent law school grad) had just died from lymphoma. The bartender walked over and quietly set a pile of napkins in front of me without saying a word. This is what I looked like then (top photo below). 
The following three months were full of doctor visits, scans, biopsies and uncertainties. When I finally went back to Russell Street BBQ, I looked like the bottom photo. 
By then, I had already started law school and chemotherapy (hence the baldness). But, I found the bartender and thanked him for the napkins he gave on that sad day a few months earlier.
It has been two years since I got the dreaded phone call and the pile of napkins. Today, my family and I went back to Russell Street for lunch. After we’d paid the bill, the bartender walked over to our table and quietly began setting napkins in front of each of us. We were then presented with a big piece of beautiful cake. Confused, as none of us ordered dessert, I asked the server what was going on. She responded, “I think Ben just likes you guys.”
As I move into my final year of law school and into an even healthier “place,” I expect more cake than napkins, more ladders than chutes, more opportunities than obstacles… I’ll type again on the other side of finals.
Hard to believe the year is almost over
So I’ve been a bit delinquent in my blog postings. Of course my delinquency is for good reason: life has been busy, so busy in fact that I don’t know quite where to begin. In the past month + all of us first years handed in our legal analysis and writing appellate brief project and then headed downtown to the Multnomah County Court house in order to present oral arguments. The oral arguments were judged by our legal writing professors, tas, and some area attorneys. It was helpful to receive some feedback - both things that were good and things I need to improve upon. One of my biggest weaknesses was starting to answer a Judge’s question before they had finished asking it - a bad habit that I picked up from my years of debate where you didn’t want the opponent to finish their question. This experience made me realize that I would enjoy participating in moot court and that is something that I will hopefully be exploring in the next couple years.
There have also been quite a networking events in the past month. Career services hosted an end-of-the-year social for the mentoring program. My attorney mentor and I met up and enjoyed some appetizers and wine while chatting and meeting other attorneys and judges. One of the judges invited me to visit her court room and I’m hoping to take advantage of that once finals are over.
I also attended “Drinks with Drummie” - an event hosted by my Torts Professor Henry Drummonds. Every year Prof. Drummonds offers 20 people the chance to have drinks with and food with him in order to raise money for PILP (Public Interest Law Project). A few of my evening podmates as well as some other 2ls and 3ls bid on the spots and then went to the Lucky Lab where we were able to get to know Prof. Drummonds outside of the classroom environment. It was great to hear his “war stories” and meet some other LC students.
Now, it’s time to start studying for finals. This week is the last week of lectures and then finals start next Friday. Most of my free time will be spent pouring over my textbooks and outlines. I do planning on taking a break for two Women’s Law Caucus events - the semester happy hour and a brunch at Dean Martha Spence’s house.
I’m signing off for now but will be updating the blog to report on the happenings of the summer. Until then…
All I Want for Christmas is an A in Tax
I have spent the last week or so walled in behind a fortress of notes, outlines, text books, tax codes, and study guides. Behind me, the fireplace has been a steady source of warmth, and to my left, the Christmas tree with too few lights and ornaments, looking somewhat forlorn and very crunchy from the heat. As I have sat on the floor behind the wealth of legal publishing companies and in front of my husband’s hard earned money as it floats up the chimney, I am driven. I want an A in Tax. I want an A more than I’ve ever wanted an A. Why? Why do I want an A in Tax? Why have I stayed awake so late, and risen before the sun each day to assume my position behind the wall? Perhaps it is because unlike most courses in law school, Tax is one class with “right” answers and not just theoretical reasoning. It is a rare opportunity for down-to-earth minds to do extra well. But no matter why, all I know is I want it, and I want it bad.
I do crazy things like put a turkey in the oven at 7:00 in the evening to force myself to stay awake. I can’t sleep with the oven on, so I keep studying AMT, OID, EIC, ACRS, and ENE (law school speak for Examples & Explanations). I study section 61 and 83 and 117 and….and more than knowing these, I know I want an A in Tax.
I go to bed late each night, and each night tired feet walk into my bedroom, no doubt not until I’ve finally dropped to sleep. “Mom, I can’t sleep,” the youngest whines. “Okay, so now, neither can I,” I think, but do not say. She slides in next to me, coughing and clearly congested, as I wrap the covers over my head in a sorry effort to build a wall around myself from the microbes I was sure I tucked in with both of us. I think about the doctor’s warning of my cell count being low, and I pray, that I will not be too sick to get an A in Tax. I struggle to find a safe place under the covers, and I try desperately to drown out section 131. When I finally succeed, a desperate call intercepts my peaceful drift. “Mom! Where are you?” She sounded terrified. “I’m right here,” I croak. “Oh, I was dreaming you were far away. But you are right here. I love you.” I wish for sounds of snow…sounds of one more day to study.
Fending off thoughts of discharge of indebtedness income and fears that I might forget to take my calculator to the exam, I doze off once again. The shadow of my oldest child darkens my door. His voice calls deeply and annoyed, “Mom! Are you taking me to school?” The days of the week run quickly through my head—Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I automatically think of Carrie who I met at the cancer center. I saw her last just two days before she died, and as she gasped for air, she repeated the days of the week again and again. It was tragic knowing her remaining breaths would be few, yet she was spending them measuring the time. “What time is it?” I ask but dread the answer. “6:05,”he says. “Come back and get me in ten minutes.” I roll over and long to finish my dream. But it’s gone.
After the dark drive to the high school, I pull into the garage. “Mom, I need to be at school at 7:00 today,” my middle child demands. “Get in,” I grumble, as I put my pajama-clad youngest in her car seat for the ride to drop her sister off. I roll back out into the dark, not once forgetting how badly I want an A in Tax. Back at home, my husband pulls in from his overnight shift. “Oh, Sweetie,” he moans. He is a morning person, and now in our 17th year of marriage, he knows what the morning does to me. I look like a groggy, pathetic mess. He has worked hard all night pulling, lifting and loading heavy things, and he inspires me to take my position behind the fortress and keep working. So, I force the rules of business expenses and depreciation into their rightful place at the front of my mind. It takes at least three trips to Starbucks to get me through. I bake a pumpkin pie as a way of coming up for air, but I end up eating half of it. I REALLY want an A in Tax.
The days all bleed together because the routine is much the same. Smashed between it all are conferences, concerts, award ceremonies, trips to the market, and a nagging desire for an A in Tax. I take my seat in the dark of the middle school gymnasium, feeling somewhat sleazy because I’ve brought my flash cards with me. I have one eye on the musicians and one eye on the information I am desperately trying to digest. I have no idea if I am at a choral festival or orchestra concert. With one eye on the cards in my hand, it is difficult to find my child amidst all the performers wearing black. I look up in time to see my oldest daughter grip the microphone. She can’t see me, because I am seated in the overflow section—I came in late. As she sings, I start to cry. She is tall and lovely, speaking nothing of the beauty in her voice. I am glad I am behind her when it hits me. I am alive.
Oddly, this cathartic moment does not fade my desire for an A in Tax one bit. One might think the revelation of survival, healing and the gift of being there for my children would “put everything in perspective”—help me see that grades are not such a big deal. But it does not. I come home, and I take my seat on the floor behind my fortress of other people’s knowledge. In spite of the many “interruptions” in my days, I remain assured that my bumps in the road (which have been too many this year), will somehow make me better, stronger, smarter, more empathetic, and better able to accept the reality that after all this wanting, I may not… get an A in Tax.
Last Day of Classes
Last Wednesday was our final day of class for the semester, and it saw us out in fitting style. With Legal Analysis and Writing completed, the only class set to meet that day was Torts, from 10 am - 12 pm. I thought we were in for a short day, the final stop in a week that was a farewell tour of first semester classes. We filed in nonchalantly, tossing remarks back and forth about how quickly the semester had progressed, and discussing our various levels of anxiety at the upcoming finals season.
Class began simply enough, with Professor Gómez-Arostegui addressing questions emailed by students prior to our final session. Quickly, though, the mood changed, an intensity arose, as seemingly everyone in the room became extremely focussed and aware, yet still relaxed. I couldn’t help but notice a marked difference in the class’s behavior from the semester’s launch, where we were mostly working hard at staying abreast of the concepts coming at us, devoting our energies to understanding rather than synthesis. Now, this final class had the sense of competent individuals at practice, being taken through a workout that was challenging, but well within our abilities. It was exhilarating to feel that as a class, we now had the ability to play with this stuff a little bit, improv and bounce ideas back and forth. We were, dare I say, getting good at this.
At about the two-hour mark (our scheduled finishing time), Professor Gómez was kind enough to provide us pizza for lunch, which was quickly distributed (we could probably write the definitive theorem on optimal in-classroom pizza distribution at this point). Sated, we returned to our seats to continue our review.
The coda to our semester turned out to be an intense, engaged, and impassioned immersion in all things Tort. Running through hypos, testing esoteric and alternative theories, with Professor Gómez conducting, even injuring his had (twice) while rapidly gesturing and sketching diagrams on the board. Through two more hours, it was a rather relentless and fast-paced exercise, an engaging and engrossing test of our knowledge and skills gained throughout the semester. We emerged from the resolution of the last question, surprised at the endurance of our concentration, with Professor Gómez hoarse after four hours of energetic review. A round of applause erupted from the entire class, and our semester’s classes were complete.
PS - Radio Silence
For the past 48 hours, I’ve not received a single Lewis and Clark related email. The normal email chatter with classmates, professors, and study group members has just - stopped. Is it finals? I don’t think I’ve done anything this weekend to warrant spontaneous and complete unpopularity. I can’t help but have a new appreciation for the cinematic trope just before the climactic scene that it’s quiet… too quiet.
Anticipation and Preparation
Finals are still a month away, but as a 1st year evening student I am not yet sure of how much time I will need to prepare. In anticipation of upcoming finals (and corresponding with a deadline free week at work) I took a week of vacation in order to work on my outlines and begin my study process. So far the week has been great, although I will admit I haven’t done that much studying so far. I have, however, been able to sleep in, run errands, spend time with my dog, and attend to other matters that will likely be placed on the back burner during my finals. I still have two more days this week to complete more studying and despite spending the first three days on other tasks I am feeling more organized and refreshed, which I hope will be valuable in the long run.
Corresponding with my week of preparation and relaxation, the Legal Writing and Analysis TA’s put on a panel presentation about preparing for finals. The presentation was helpful. Although a lot of the information was not entirely new, it was comforting to be reminded that there is no right or wrong way to study for finals. The biggest piece of advice I took away from the presentation is to not forget how you studied during college that was effective. If study groups work for you then you should study in groups for law school. Just because it is a different type of material does not mean that the basics and the way I learn most effectively should be forgotten.
In addition to preparing for the short term (ie. finals), last night I took advantage of a Career Services mentor networking event. At the beginning of the year, we were given the opportunity to be matched with an attorney mentor. The mentors are typically Lewis and Clark graduates who are working in the Portland legal community. After being matched, I was introduced to my mentor at a meet and greet in September. There was at least one other event held before last night, however, I believe they were daytime events which are difficult for both my mentor and I to attend as we both work downtown. Last night, however, the event was hosted at the Uptown Billiard Club in Northwest Portland which allowed both my mentor and I to attend.
The Uptown Billiard Club was a new to me. Despite having been on NW 23rd numerous times before I had been oblivious as to its existence. It is a warm and cozy bar with delicious food. The club provided a nice respite from the downpour of rain and puddle-filled streets outside (Portland winter has arrived!). In addition to having the opportunity to chat with my mentor and some other attorneys and law students, I had the chance to work on my pool game. Admittedly I was borderline inept at playing pool, but after a few helpful pointers from my mentor, my game seems to be improving! Overall the night was enjoyable and needless to say I will hopefully be attending the next networking event that comes along.